“When I was a little boy, something was taken from me. I tried for many years to dismiss the significance of this event, claiming it had no impact on my life. But I can’t help but think now that my problem with committment stems from it. Growing up, I watched the adults around me quarrel and cheat on one another, which only cemented my belief that love isn’t real. For a period of time, I thought it was an illusion. But I was wrong. Love isn’t the stuff they tell you on television or a book. It isn’t even the stuff people tell you in real life. Love is what you make it. It’s universal, yet personal.
Love, to me, is fragile. People have to treat it with care, but most people don’t. It’s breakable, and that’s why it’s so precious. What good is something that is infallible and invincible?
I feel like such a coward for having to tell you all this in a letter. But you make me vulnerable. What we have is real. And when I think of us, together, it makes me so happy. You complete me. And I don’t ever want to be incomplete again. So I want to ask you to be mine. Mine, as in… let’s get engaged.
I can see us getting married, and how we’d laugh in our family’s faces. We’d glow, because we’d be so happy. And you, so gorgeous in your wedding dress. And me, standing beside you. Then we’d have some kids.. I know at this point you’re wondering if I’m high. I thought I hated kids, and sometimes I do. But not in the way I thought. Kids, to me, represent the failings of our society: an obscene obsession with wealth, instant gratifications, and pleasure. But our kids won’t be like that. Whenever I look at you, I know without a shred of doubt that with you as the mother, they won’t. I want to marry you someday, come home from work, and cuddle with you under the covers and talk about our day.
Jordan, I thought having a family would hold me down and only hinder me from my dream of making the world a better place. But family can also be motivation. I want you to stand beside me, not behind me.
I know this probably is long winded, and my writing usually isn’t like that. Can you tell how shaky my hand is? I’ve never felt this way for someone else, and I’ve never considered having a future with someone. But, will you be mine? Because I want to be yours, through sickness and the worse of times, as well as the best of times.”
